my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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