I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
