I look better un-naked...
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Randomize
