You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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