my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
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