There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
