I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
