she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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