I'm gonna have a badass scar
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Randomize
