one word: firstdatebathroomanal
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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