I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
