Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize