Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
