He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
