We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize
