yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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