She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
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