I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
