I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Randomize
