Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I love you. Go after that dick
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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