The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
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