Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
