she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
