i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Randomize
