Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
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