Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
