His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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