Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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