And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Randomize