All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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