bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Randomize
