soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
