i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
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