idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Randomize
