Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
