i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
