I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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