piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
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