Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Randomize
