This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
