Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
not ubering you a puppy
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
