I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize