Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
