i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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