I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
