Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
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