Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
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