you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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