i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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