yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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