so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
