If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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