So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
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