I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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