My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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