there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I won't apologize to a one balled man
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
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