He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
