I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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