My liver just broke up with me...
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Randomize
