We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
