You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
