I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Have you finally orgasmed yet?
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
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