i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
