5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
