You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
