I look better un-naked...
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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