I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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