I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
After last night, I could never be a politician.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
it's like iHOP with fire
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize