Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
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