A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
It's official drugs can't kill me
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
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