Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Randomize
