I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I still have a little drunk in my system
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
