She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Randomize
