Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
