How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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