have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize