Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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