I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Ladies don't puke and tell
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
