A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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