I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
