Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
