You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
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