You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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