No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
