I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I could make wine with my vomit
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
