My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Randomize
