I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
