She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
