you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Randomize
