just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
