Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
