I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I skipped work to stalk him.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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