I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize